Hairy Moments

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess Normal,

Cazza just called Feefs.

CAZZA: Hi!
FEEFS: Hi! Oh all right... f*cken hell I've been thrown out of the living room for talking too loud.
CAZZA: This is me looking at you with my eyes!
FEEFS: Amazing! I definitely going to get it done too. What have you been doing?
CAZZA: Nothing! It's great.
FEEFS: Me as well. Mind you, I've got a sore arse from derby so once it's positioned on a cushion I'm not moving it for anybody.
CAZZA: I thought I'd better speak to Shetland Dad.
FEEFS: Oh I just asked him what he wanted for dinner and he was all like "pork belly" so I was like "You're shit out of luck with that buddy, do I look like a Michelin-starred chef to you?" Pork belly for f***'s sake...
CAZZA: Hand the phone over to him would you?
SHETLAND DAD: Hullooo!!
CAZZA: No, no, you don't have to hold it to your ear darling, I can see you.
SHETLAND DAD: Whit? Oh aye! 
CAZZA: Look! I can see without glasses!
SHETLAND DAD: Oh yes yes, very good. I took the dug out today for a walk. 
CAZZA: So you're not interested in my eyes then?
SHETLAND DAD: The wee feller went for a shite and everything.
CAZZA: Right, well, I just wanted to say "Hello".
SHETLAND DAD: Aye, aye, well cheerio then.
FEEFS: Well, I'd better go. I'm still getting evil looks even though I'm talking to you from the hallway.
CAZZA: That's okay we can talk during the week.
FEEFS: Oh, also dad has put his telly on "mute" and has forgotten how to get it back.
CAZZA: Bye then!
FEEFS: Byeeeee.

Cazza rolled her eyes at me. "I'm so glad it's just you and the cats here," she told me. 

Right after that I tried to put on a rainy Sunday film. I am always in charge of entertainment in our house because if I ask Cazza what she wants to see it invariably goes like this:

CAZZA: Oh, I don't know, anything really. 
ME: Action? Comedy? Thriller?
CAZZA: Anything. 
ME: (Sigh) Okay.
CAZZA: Except "Age of Ultron". 
ME: All right.
CAZZA: F***ing "Age of Ultron".

So I just put on "The Mountain Between Us" which I thought was a safe bet because Cazza loves disaster movies and also Idris Elba.

CAZZA: (Pulls face) But it's just the two of them in this, isn't it? And you know what's going to happen, their plane will crash and there will be hairy moments and probably a bear and he'll have to lower Kate off the side of a mountain on a winch and they'll fall in love and she'll nearly die and I can't be bothered.

So "Gosford Park" it is. This seems acceptable.

But still, "hairy moments"?

S.