Suddenly everything is clear

I belong to a Sangha, a Buddhist sitting group. We meet twice a month to sit together in meditation, listen to a dharma talk, and hang out. One of the members of our group heard that a Buddhist nun called Venerable Pannavati was coming to Portland to talk tonight, so we decided to listen to her instead of having our usual meeting. I was iffy about it. Maybe I'd go, maybe not. But this morning I Googled her, and what I found out was a great surprise.

The Venerable Pannavati is an African-American woman from Washington, D.C. who runs a Buddhist center in the obscure little town in North Carolina where I was born and where, at the age of sixteen, I returned to live with my grandmother and finish high school. I know the neighborhood where her center is located, but I haven't been to Hendersonville since 2005, at which time I was wearing Buddhist robes myself. I went there to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. I was then in training with a Vietnamese Zen teacher, and I had taken preliminary but not final vows as a Buddhist nun.

The Venerable Pannavati's work in Hendersonville is providing a living space and a school for homeless young people from their late teens to their mid-twenties. Her center includes a small black box theatre, and she has an arrangement with Flat Rock Playhouse, which is where my first drama teacher came from--it was that theatre that got me started in the field that later became my life's work.

She also has a project working with the Dalit (Untouchable) people in India.

Every word from her mouth made perfect sense to me. I felt I knew her. As she talked, I felt that she and I vibrate to the same bell. We have the same values. We're about the same stuff. So it's clear to me that somehow, I need to get back to Hendersonville and work with her. After the talk, I spoke with her briefly, and we both acknowledged that we know each other. I told her I want to come--perhaps for a month, perhaps longer: doing theatre with her kids, and maybe doing some poetry workshops with them as well. She asked if I would take temporary ordination when I get there so that I can live as a monk in her community, and I said yes, of course.

It's all clear to me. This is what I need to do next. I don't yet have money to get there, but the money will come. I am not in robust health, but my health will sort itself out. I will do what I can do, given where I am in my life right now. I will take what I have and offer it, just as I am. It is as natural to me as breathing.

I took a few pictures of her in the tea room after her talk. I chose this one because of the peace of her expression, and I've processed it to bring out the light and ease I see in her way of being and talking. I've put ten other portraits of her on Flickr if you'd like to see her in color, gesturing and talking. If you're interested, there's also an interview with her online here.