So proud .....

I wasn't sure whether to post anything today but in terms of my personal journal, I need to and just leaving a gap would have been too poignant. Regarding the image, this leaf just happened to be in my path this morning and symbolises so much for me today.

It was nearly three years ago on New Year's Eve that I lost my husband, while at home, to a heart attack and once he had received an injection of morphine to dull the pain one of the last things he said to the attending doctor was "I have given my body for research". He had made the decision a few years earlier when he knew his time was limited due to heart failure and I remember well one of the occasions when I had to call the ambulance in the middle of the night. We had only just received the relevant papers and he was so concerned that he would die before signing in front of a witness, so I helped him to sign as we waited for the paramedics and promised that whatever happened, I would have the signature witnessed by friends. Thankfully he survived that time.

There is a huge need for human cadavers to help students learn about the structure of the body and how it works; they are also used to train surgeons and other healthcare professionals. My husband was a warm and generous man, a true people person, and he desperately wanted to keep helping others even after his own life was over. He was enormously grateful for all the medical help that had enabled him to enjoy a good quality of life for so much longer than he expected, so he found a way to give something back. I am so proud that his gift has enabled student doctors and researchers improve their skills and knowledge so in turn they can help patients in the future.

I knew this day would be here soon as he had requested that the university return his ashes to me after his work was finished, and three years had been the length of time intimated to me. Today I went with a friend to collect them and bring him home.

I would be lying if I said that these years have not been made a whole lot more difficult, knowing that he was somehow still of this world and yet not with me, sharing my life. I am filled with so many strong emotions now I know that this phase is over, but high amongst them is an enormous sense of pride. Furthermore, I know for certain that although he did not know of blip he would have encouraged me to share today, although he would have understood how difficult I would find it to do so. But if this triggers even one blipper to consider becoming an organ donor or donating their body to medical research then I know one star in the heavens that will shine brighter tonight.