Pretty Pastels

I bought these little mini meringues in Whole Foods yesterday. I thought they might be good for photography purposes too :-)

I have been so exhausted all week, that when it finally gets to the weekend, you don't really appreciate it. 

I was feeling quite upbeat yesterday, and took myself into town as I wanted to try again and find some new clothes. I planned to go to an event afterwards, but it began to rain and I was sick of juggling the bags I had so called it quits and went home. So much for a summer evening. 

I feel a bit afraid really, like I've lost my nerve. I can't seem to make myself do the things that scare me like I used to. 

I had a good session with A on Wednesday this week-no idea what I will do when it's finished. On the one hand I think she's irreplacable, but the other bad time part of me says I will crack up without having somebody to listen to me every week, so I need to find somebody else. 

We had a good talk about being authentic etc, and saying things genuinely, particularly when it comes to online dating. I decided after talking about it, that I would message the guy I messed up with at the festival a couple of weeks ago. We talked about what I could say, and when I went home, feeling all inspired, I wrote a nice message. And consequently heard nothing! 

I feel a bit disappointed, as I think I would have liked to get to know him better, and he seemed to be a decent guy with no game play or hidden agenda. But in typical me fashion, I freak out early on, and by the time I've gotten used to the idea (i.e.; dating) then it's too late. Which is a bit of a shame. He really seemed like somebody I might have gone the distance with, which makes me feel bad, but then I really only have myself to blame, running out before the end of the concert. 

I suppose the only upside is that I don't feel terrible or anything, and there is a sense of satisfaction in saying how you feel, rather than hiding behind tried and trusted phrases etc. 

I suppose maybe there isn't someone for everyone, and maybe some of us really are meant to be alone. I will keep trying online dating, but it's a bit of a downer, and I wish I didn't have to persevere! 

Such genuine-ness might have scared him, when I wrote that I didn't know how I felt "but that something keeps drawing me back to him". 


Ah well, sincerity bites the dust ;-)