Tiger Tiger

A little foray to Tiger Tiger, London tonight for a friend's birthday. I've realised a lot of these places aren't actually that nice, it's just the name and the reputation that draws people ;-)

Writing this retrospectively, as I'm very behind on my blips. Partly it's because my evenings seem to evaporate, and also because of my attempt at vlogging has meant my Mac storage is rapidly filling up and now won't store any more photos in the correct resolution!

Despite the glorious weather, it's been a pretty crappy week. I was doing ok, until a friend at work, S, had a little chat with me. She is lovely, and probably my only 'teacher friend' at work. She's only been with us a year, and she's leaving at the end of term to return to her old (non-teaching) job. And I'm so sad! We've become a little group of three, with another friend, C, and we spend a lot of evenings down in S's classroom nattering. 

Anyways, she told me she and C were talking on the phone about me last night, and that she just does;t feel happy leaving me here once she's gone, essentially for them to savage me.

We had a good chat. I was quite touched that anyone actually cared that much about me, particularly as I seem to be drowning, and can't seem to save myself. She was very straight-talking, which is hard to hear sometimes, but I think I needed it. I didn't feel great when I went home, or indeed most of the day, but I think it's because I had to confront 'uncomfortable feelings', and sit with them. 

She was worried she'd upset me, but she also offered to come over today and help me apply for some jobs. Her theory is that if I can get into a different school, have a fresh start and improve my mindset, then I can go on from there, and to just do it for as little as a term and do it as a stop gap.  It's a bit scary but I also felt a bit more empowered. Often I don't take people up on their offers, but something in me decided too.

My parents and Little Ro went to my cousins wedding today, so I was dog-sitting overnight. In the afternoon, S came over, and for three hours, she sat and filled in applications for me. It's the busiest time of year when we both have reports to do, and yet she gave up her time to help me. And now I've applied for three jobs. 

I had another task to accomplish after S left. I had some time with my other sister, and thought I should try to make things right. She wasn't wildly sympathetic, or particularly understanding of how I feel, but we sort of cleared the air. I got teary because they have no idea how hard this is for me. Don't really care really. It was better to not have to avoid her, as I have, and we haven't spoken for two months. 

But everything's changed. I felt a bit better, and went into London to meet my friends. It was a beautiful evening, and my first time since the terror attacks, and I was irritated to find I was a little bit uneasy, for the first time ever. And it made me really angry. 

It turned out to be quite a good night though all said, and I went and picked up a very tired little dog at around midnight ;-)