Feefs

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

These are Feefs's birthday balloons, hung up in the golf club. On the other wall was a solo "4" balloon, because the Big Nipper had ONE job, "To get the balloons from the car to the venue" but had stepped out of his car and immediately the wind whipped one of the zeroes from his hand.

It floated forlornly away over the roof of the venue.

"For f***'s sake," added Feefs.

I love Feefs. She is the best sister-in-law you could ever have. I remember she greeted us at the airport on my first ever trip to New Zealand in 2000 and drove us to Mount Maunganui to meet her parents.

She was absolutely lovely to us the whole time. She took me and Er Indoors all around for a week, and I remember she took me for a walk on the beach the first morning I woke up in the Mount. She's so friendly and happy and rude and sweary and funny.

And Er Indoors was having none of it. 

I couldn't understand it. It seemed the more Feefs jumped around Er Indoors's feet like a happy little terrier, the more Er Indoors greeted her with a kick and a snarl. And Er Indoors is not a mean person. It made no sense.

But hey. Sisters. Siblings. They had history. And there were some resentments in there. Like the time they went to get a photo of themselves taken and then framed as an Xmas present for their parents. 

"And SHE chose the sh*ttest POSSIBLE one of me," said Er Indoors.

It was true. I saw the evidence. The picture had pride of place above the telly. Feefs looked radiant, but Er Indoors was squinting against the light and looked like she was picking her nose.

"But it was the best one of ME," said Feefs, simultaneously explaining the situation and making it ten times worse.

Oh, and there was Er Indoors's 21st birthday. Feefs came floating in, wearing her "Jesus Dress" which was a big white sheet thing. She cornered the photographer and told him the party was for HER.

As a result, Er Indoors's photo album of that night is full of pictures of Feefs. Feefs dancing, drinking, laughing with friends and looking glamorous. Er Indoors appears in the background of some of them.

But that was all in the past. I told Er Indoors to pull her head in. She was behaving in a way I'd never seen before. And anyway, I added, couldn't she see how much Feefs loved her? And all that attention and the fact that she was hanging around so much was because she ADORED her big sister and wanted to impress her?

I've never seen anything like it. Er Indoors was in FLOODS of tears. I was scared. What had I done? Had I BROKEN my girlfriend?

But although I'm no counsellor, it seemed to do something to them. They've had ups and downs ever since, and sisters are ALWAYS going to manage to irritate each other, but for the most part they are incredibly close. Feefs is definitely Er Indoors's best friend and now that they are in the same country I think they talk every day.

Feefs came to live with us in 2003 for about a year. It was such great fun. She can't drink at all. A sniff of wine and she is completely pished. I remember going on nights out with her, and she would be paralytically leaning on me as we ENTERED the venue. And hideously messy at the end of the evening. I have a picture in my head of her sat on Er Indoors's lap, blubbering messily in our front room at about 3am.

"I JUST LOOO-OOOO-OOOO-VE YOU SOOOOOO MUU-UUU-UUUCH!!!"

Er Indoors looked over Feefs's shoulder at me. She rolled her eyes.

But Feefs was not embarrassed at all the next day. She is never embarrassed by anything she does. She is full of inner confidence and a grand sense of "ah f*** it". I think I've said before she is the only person who can say things like, "I'm f***ing awesome" and get away with it because she actually IS. You can't help but love her. She makes such an effort, and when you're with her she makes you feel like you're the most important person in the room. I think that is what is meant by the word "charisma".

I love her very much. And found myself lecturing one of the lovely nieces recently, who was suffering from a lack of self-confidence. I heard myself telling her all about someone she will likely never meet in a country of the other side of the world.

"You need to make Feefs your hero," I told LN2. "You need that self-belief, even if you're faking it. The thing is, people will love you no matter how much you eff up. In fact the more you eff up, the MORE they'll love you because that's when they'll get to see who you really are. And you are effing awesome!"

Because LN2 is. And so is Feefs. She's my hero too. I consciously try to emulate her when I'm feeling insecure or lacking confidence. If I have to give a presentation at work, I think to myself, "Channel your inner Feefs". 

I'm f***ing awesome.

It really works.

Happy birthday Feefs. And if I see a zero floating above Mount Maunganui, I will laugh and think of you.

S.