Defined and Structured Fun

My Dear Fellow,

If I have not made it clear before, I am bored at work. Business Analysis itself is DULL. Consequently, I spent an inordinate amount of time letting my mind wander and doing non-work stuff.

Aha. But here is where irony kicks in. It turns out that I've become so institutionalised that even my plans for fun turn into thorough and detailed Requirements Documents. 

An example, if you will. Here is an email I sent to Princess Normal earlier in the week. It is everything she needs to know in order to achieve successful implementation of Project "Dinner At Ours" on Saturday:

"Yesterday I was astonished to find my lovely wife making a list of things to do around the place before you & Prince Normal arrive. “So this flat can be less hovel-like,” she said. These were her actual words. Just setting expectations: we live in a hovel.
 
Anyway, that got me to thinking I should give you the information you need for Saturday. Here it is.
 
·         Our address is (blah blah) 

·         Our buzzer does not work! So when you arrive, just call my mobile and we will let you in.
  
·         You are welcome to arrive any time after 7pm. Within reason. If you arrive after 9pm you will get a curt message that “Yer tea’s oot” and I will be sh1tey-politey with everyone all effing evening. (“Fine then. Glad you enjoyed your tea. Even if it was OVERCOOKED.”) That sort of thing.

·         You do not need to get all poshed up just for us! In fact it is probably better if you do not given that Jasper will be all over you to replace Murphy’s smell with HIS. He is a very hairy little dude. We may have to stickytape you both when you leave. That should be fun when we are all rat@rsed.

·         Er Indoors will get all dressed up. But she gets dressed up to go to Greggs for rolls, so it’s not like I could stop her if I wanted to.

·         Furniture: we do not have a dining table. And our couch is more of a day-bed thing. You & Prince Normal should claim it on arrival so that if we are boring you can literally just turn over and fall asleep. But no monkey-business! This is not the 1970’s and it is not that sort of party.
 
·         We are going to Mexico for the main on Saturday! ¡Ariba! It will be very VERY mild because of my Plain Jane Nanapants wife. I am going to make a veggie and a meaty option no shut up it’s not a bother and I’ll probably join you on the not-meat thing.
 
·         Are there any food quirks/allergies I should know about? It is embarrassing to kill a guest with ingredients that may contain nuts.
 
·         We have Edinburgh gin & slimline tonic for you & Lisa. Plus red & white & sparkling wine.

·         This is a weird thing to say, but you MUST poo in our toilet! It is very exciting. Er Indoors has bought these “poo drop” things which are just the best invention ever. Seriously, try to make a smell in there. It is impossible with poo drops. Believe me, I have tried.
 
Are you excited?  I’m very excited. Also, quite impressed with myself for inventing the term 'sh1tey-politey'."

So there you have it. I am incapable of having fun unless it has been properly scoped and organised. Er Indoors has been mocking me by passing these notes around to her mates at work and saying, "This is what I have to put up with." 

They will eat their words once the fun has been successfully deployed. I may have to hold a review session in the pub the week after to gauge "lessons learned" and "what went well".

El P.