Drat

Well, what an upsetting day - had another collapse. Mid-afternoon Vegan Jo had come for a coffee and after chatting for a while I stood up to get her something and boom - dropped to the floor. My legs just wouldn't support me and there was just heaviness in my body. I told myself not to panic, I had the tools to manage this. So I lay down on the floor, did my breathing, put on my CBT phone app " Assistance during a panic attack," to stop myself going into one! Feeling I needed the toilet I crawled there and with no result lay on the floor and continued listening to my app. Made it back to the kitchen where Jo was reading a magazine and lay on the floor. Then the shaking began - started in my leg and spread to my entire body - not pleasant, by this time I was feeling really panicked! The whole episode lasted over an hour. I gave Vegan Jo a hug goodbye and shed a few tears. I was just so dismayed that after all this time I should have such an episode 6 months after the last one.Spent the rest of the day quietly.
Bizarrely with Vegan Jo as with Nellie of the Woods the previous day when she called to pick up some printing, I was aware I had the old feeling of anxiety in their company and my breathing was shallow. I think the worry about what the solar plexus issue could be, the appointment with the Dr coming up this Wednesday, and a trip to the Scarlet for a relaxing massage and lunch with blipper Gilesey Friday, had all increased to the point of overload. I was really looking forward to seeing Gilesey and the day at the spa - but it was an hours journey there and back, and a whole day in someone's company - neither of these things have I done in 6 months! But I had talked myself through it and had planned to do my yoga there and to walk after lunch and get Gilesey to drive. If the worst came to the worst I could book myself a room if the anxiety hit! Obviously the fact I was planning these things was showing my level of anxiety!
So - wait for Wednesday - hope the Dr can put my mind at rest that I have nothing physical going on, no hiatus hernia, that my mind and body are still just settling down. I have really felt I was moving forward aside from the solar plexus issue, and I have not had to use the apps in weeks! So I'm determined to see this recent episode as a blip and understandable consequence of having to wait 3 weeks until I could get this Dr appointment, worry always being present at the back of my mind. I will not let this overwhelm me!