The Pelf of the Elf

I'm glad they didn't have Elf on the Shelf,
back when I was a lad.
'cuz I wouldn't like my presents...
to be based on my good or bad.

I can't believe the ways he's taken off,
in fact...I'm quite dumbstruck.
But the thing that gets me the most?
THE ELF COSTS THIRTY BUCKS!!!