If I Could Talk To The Animals

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

There is a daily ritual in our flat. Er Indoors gets the boys' metal water bowl and refills it. As she puts it back in its place, she taps on the side of the bowl with her fingernails.

"Freshy waters!" she calls. "Freshieees!"

It might sound silly. Check that. It DOES sound silly, but inevitably the boys come running for a drink. They LOVE freshy waters.

Jasper especially so. He also comes running every time I run the tap in the kitchen (see picture). Also whenever I'm on the khazi. He comes trotting into the bathroom and leaps up onto the bathroom sink so I can turn it on for him.

They do not, however, drink out of the toilet. "We're not DOGS!" they say with a tail-flick.

Of course, they don't REALLY say that. Not really. But Er Indoors and me are those sort of semi-bonkers pet people who give their animals voices by answering for them all the time.

"Thanks Er Indoors!" I'll say in my special secret and not at ALL weird Jasper-voice whenever she does the freshy waters thing. Or "Yay! Mousie time!" I say on Punky's behalf  whenever Er Indoors gets the mouse-on-a-stick for him to play with.

No really. It is hilarious and cute. And not even the SLIGHTEST bit freaky and weird.

Funnily enough though, when Er Indoors does "cat voices" there is a subtle difference in tone.

"Hey, you've stolen my seat!" I'll say to Jasper when I've stepped out of the room and he's taken my chair.

"**** you dad!" says Jasper.

Or he'll back up to cuddle me in the evening. Flicking his tail in my face and pushing his back end closer and closer to my nose.

"Sniff it! Sniff it dad!" Jasper says, edging ever nearer.

And if I tell him off for scratching the furniture he'll tell me to eff off, before adding, "You're not my REAL father!"

Honestly. The language those boys use. I'm sure they must pick it up from their mother.

S.