snap

personal growth is the ability to still be just as happy as you were before in circumstances that are not ideal.

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do you remember all those small choices you personally have made over the years for things you shouldn't have sacrificed your dignity for, but did? that's the magic of the human condition, yes. the ability to throw it all under a bus. temporary suspension of all logic.

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that moment looking over the commons and the garden. a complete surprise. electrifying. i learned so much from that, you know. it was like being punched in the face.

sometimes i think about that person you knew then and i realize you knew me at my absolute worst: the bottom. you probably wouldn't know me at all, an emotional and physical gulf from the silly girl that boston spring.

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remember how it snowed on april fool's? such a cruel joke. i drank beers in a bar with a bunch of people from seattle. i was drunk on the energy of the show afterward, the crush of people, my peacoat still firmly over my shoulders. the first time i didn't see one of their shows alone.

when we went afterward, that big group, to the publick house (i had to look up the name of that bar, just now. god, my memory is a mess.), you told me you'd never met a girl that could appreciate a good beer like i could. i drank allagash white. i thought maybe you hadn't met enough girls.

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the best lessons are the ones you didn't know you needed to learn. i have learned a few of those. but usually they are hard life lessons: scrappy. what does it mean when the lesson is in your heart? life-changing.