Wednesday

Today was ok. I enjoyed work.

Tonight it has all fallen apart. Felt my mood fall, felt panicky. I felt like I needed to escape, get away from the flat, away from the streets I know. I drove, aimlessly, and ended up the other side of town. Had a wander (where I got this blip) but realised I didn't want that so back in the car. Then I had a sudden urge to be back at home.
I'm home and my head is all over the place, it feels too busy. I feel jumpy, anxious, want to be in the quiet. I have really tried not to, but I just can't cope without it. Self harm. I really don't want to do this anymore, but it helps, slightly.
Don't know whether to sit, stand, walk, lie. I need to be knocked out to end tonight, so diazepam it is.