Hello Blippers...

.Here to tell you all about yesterday :

It was one of the longest, most harrowing, painful, emotional days of TB's life to see her Mum how she is now.

The woman in the bed was not the Mum she knows and loves, though she seemed to know her.

She couldn't talk properly, partly because her mouth was so dry (and she'd been refusing the 'gel' to help it; though they managed to get her to take it then).  She is Nil by Mouth and still has all the attachments, drip, oxygen, naso gastric tube etc, etc. to support her.  She kept trying to remove things and they kept having to remind her they was there to help.

However, she was trying to 'talk the hind leg of a donkey' though the words were really not rational; her blood pressure remains very high, although the calcium levels continue to go down. TB is told though that they think the kidneys have been damaged.  She had another CT scan before we got there yesterday.

TB's StepDad is very angry as to how her Mum was initially treated (the original operation was postponed due to 'bed blockers'; and then the consultant refused to do the operation in March because he couldn't find the original problem..  Her Mum has been ill with this since before last August when the condition was originally diagnosed.

He says that he doubts she will ever come home; certainly at the moment she couldn't though it seems she wants to.... and that has really upset TB.   He hates going home and seeing all 'her things' around him, and finds it strange driving the car with her empty wheelchair in the back.

The rest of the extended family (aunts/uncles) all seem to think she is going to get better, but in TB's heart of hearts she wonders if she ever will?  She knows for sure that she doesn't ever want to live in a Care Home or have carers.  TB has known that for a long time.

TB is very glad she went to visit, however hard it was for her.  It is even worse for her Mum :(

She am finding all this so very difficult to take in....and feeling very guilty....

She has decided that she will try to write a letter or two and send photographs so that her Stepdad  or a nurse can read to Mum/show her the pictures, which she used to see on the Flickr wall.  

She will remember yesterday for the rest of her life.  You can't turn the clock back and you never know what is going to happen when!!!

Thanks for all your support lovely blippers X

PS.  What is going on in the extra today??