A Pain In The...

My Dear Fellow,

I fell on me bum today. It was in front of a lady and I said, "EFF!" loudly*.

"Are you all right?" she said.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," I said. It was true. I wasn't just being brave. Although I am very brave about things like this. Just so you know.

"Are you SURE you're you're all right?"

"Really. I'm FINE," I said.

This went on for some time until she left me alone to rub my bum. It wasn't like I could do this in front of her. Decorum, and all that.

But the point is that ONCE AGAIN, my mishap took place on Gloucester Lane. It was steep and slippery with leaves and I had no chance. Gloucester Lane and I have a HISTORY. And once again, Gloucester Lane got the upper hand!

DAMN YOU GLOUCESTER LANE!

In other news I hosted a meeting today. It was to address five URGENT questions raised by our 3rd party which it was VITALLY IMPORTANT to progress.

Because I am pro-fess-e-o-nal, I organised a room and an agenda to go through the five questions. I even had them projected on the wall because hey that's why they pay me the big bucks.

ME: So, question one is to clarify how we determine the correct account code...
MAN: Why would you even want to send more than one? I don't understand.
ME: Eh?
MAN: I mean, because - well - the thing is we'd only ever send ONE...
ME: Oh I see. You've randomly decided to answer question five first instead of starting at question one like a normal human being.
MAN: Oh, sorry.
ME: Never mind, we may as well continue with question five now you've started on it...
WOMAN: How we determine the account code is irrelevant because we pass them the marketing code as well.
ME: What? Are you back on question ONE now?
WOMAN: Well yes, but in order to be interesting and different I'll start off talking about question one, but then just when you think you are getting somewhere I'll suddenly go on to question three to BLOW YOUR MIND.
MAN 2: But question two is what I really want to talk about so I'm going to interrupt everyone to do that VERY LOUDLY.
ME: Woah! Woah! WOOAH!

(Yes, I actually said "woah" out loud in a meeting to grown up people).

ME: Can we JUST start at the beginning?! Please!
MAN: Yes, sorry, sorry about that. I think it's that we're still excited from the event yesterday. Did you go?
WOMAN: No, I didn't go, but I heard it was really good.
MAN 2: That's what I heard. That it was good. Although I didn't go.
MAN: It was. It was really good. I didn't go. But that's what they said.
ME: Oh dear god.

So it is no wonder my tumble didn't hurt at all. The pain in my a*** was there long before I reached Gloucester Lane.

Parsones

* I did not actually say "eff". If you know what I mean.