Dicing With Death

GO LARGE!

Once more I thought I had my blip today, once more I was wrong! When I went to feed Tom this morning I soon spotted this pure white young 'shroom in grass close to the stable. So I grabbed some shots. I'd no idea what it was - though there was no sign of a vulva, due to the pure white colouring and scaly stem and cap I wondered if it was a type of Amanita - or possibly, with the beautifully shaped conical cap, an Inocybin. Since some of these can be highly toxic, I wasn't taking any chances with the horses around - so after photographing it I immediately destroyed it. A shame really as it was a very pretty fungus. It was going to be my blip.

However, I soon noticed these 2 spiders on a web. My attention was drawn by the fact that the smaller one seemed to be depositing a nicely wrapped food parcel in the centre of the web as the larger one looked on from the outer edge. I realised I'd found a male and female going through the courtship process, something I've never been privileged to witness before, so spent a long time enraptured as I watched. Of course I had to grab some shots as a possible blip. As things progressed I could almost envisage a script for it all:

The scene is a web somewhere in Norfolk. She is near the centre of the web, he right at the outside of it. He carefully tweaks a thread on the web a few times, enquiringly. She looks interested and moves to the other edge, he slowly edges to the centre.

Him: Hi gorgeous, I've been watching you for a while. You know you have the most beautiful eyes - all 8 of them. I wondered if you'd let me treat you to dinner? (places food parcel in centre of web and retreats to a safe distance)

Her (moving to the food parcel): Cut the crap, none of those corny chat-up lines if you don't mind. You blokes are all the same. I wasn't born yesterday you know. That does look rather delicious though.

Him: It's the finest Hoverfly, only the best for you my sweet one. By the way, you have great legs - all 8 of them.

Her: I said CUT THE CRAP! Or you may find out what great mandibles I have too! Now, I think I'll eat - I'm very hungry.
She starts to feast.

Him (thinking): Right, she's otherwise occupied, time to do the business.
He slowly and cautiously approaches, until he reaches her and the food parcel and starts to move around behind her.

She notices him as he gets close.
Her: Oi you - leave my bloody dinner alone, I'm starving! I don't know, you bring me food now you want to share it!

He retreats.
Him (thinking): Hell, she's grumpy - she must have PMT. It's not the damned food I'm after you silly woman! Just eat will you?

This occurs several times with much waving of forelegs and cussing.

Eventually she's well enough distracted, he manages to slowly creep up behind her and the pairing is completed. He immediately scarpers to the edge of the web and disappears away into the undergrowth.

Her (turning to face where he was): This is really tasty - thanks ... errrr, where's he gone? Damn, damn, damn! I've nearly finished the Hoverfly, I'm still hungry and he'd have made such a nice dessert!
She return her attention to what's left of the Hoverfly.

And she lived happily ever after. He unfortunately wasn't as lucky next time, stuck around a bit too long and ended up as his mate's second course....

----- The End ------

My blip, of course, is of him carefully moving down towards her from the top, as she (lower down, upside down and keeping a watchful eye on him) gets stuck into her dinner.