Slow Thaw

I've been struggling with little niggly running injuries for over a month now. Nothing serious but I know from past experience that they can take longer to sort out than a broken leg. That, at least, has a clear prognosis. The current problems haven't.

I suffered yet another setback on Saturday and facing up to the fact of being properly injured again brought me right down this weekend. Programs get fired up in my brain from a long history of disappointment through various muscle tears and strains. I'm afraid my body has never been able to keep up with the demands I place upon it. 

I've always defined myself in terms of my physical and mental fitness. I can generally cope with one of those failing, but when both body and mind let me down it feels like my very sense of identity is threatened. I think that's why I've got so low.

Like the last couple of occasions, I had intended to turn comments off for this anniversary (not being one particularly comfortable with attention), but I forgot, and they came in so fast (thank you) that it was immediately too late. I'm glad. Your incredibly kind and generous words could not have come at a better time really - despite the fact that they remain difficult to assimilate. It's hard for me to feel deserving of such lovely compliments. And I know how silly and ungracious that must sound. 

No matter how much external validation I get for my photography and my writing, there are times when that can never overcome my own innate doubt and lack of confidence. Ultimately, for me at least, validation can only come from within - which is possibly how it should be. It's that which keeps driving me on. I'm working on it. Thank you so much for all your help.

As for the day, after a lot of stretching I was able to take a slow walk on the moor, with not too much discomfort. I probably went further than I should have done but I had to get to the snowline. It was a different world up there. It meant, unfortunately, that I paid the price in the evening. There always seems to be a price for everything that's enjoyable.