Can I be honest with the world?

I have been the most insecure person for a long, long time. I question everyone's love, motives and if I am even worthy to be loved.
I compare to those around me, to see if there is someone better and why. Then I strive to be that person.
I hold unto my past mistakes and work so hard to not commit them again.

Unfortunately, it has brought a lot of pain and sleepless nights. It has brought scars into my dating relationship and created useless fights.

I know what the problem is.


Somehow it always amazes me when, after seeing all of these flaws, he can still tell me he loves me.
That when I disconnect from my parents due to my own anxiety of needing to be perfect for them, they still love me.

And I am sorry. I do wish I do not have these struggles but I do. I cannot promise when they will end, because I do not know when. I wish I was a strong and confident woman that I present myself to be externally, but I am not. Because that is not solving this issue from the root of this problem.

Victor once challenged me to always find the root of all problems. So I have been. I may have found it, and it is not pretty.

But it's a start.

My God is my healer.
And I can only keep clinging unto His hope and His love that one day, I will be healed from all the thoughts that haunt me at night.

Because I am beautiful.
I am worthy to be loved.


And so are you.
Every one of you.