A lemon tree my dear Watson

Which is the answer Sherlock Holmes gives to his sidekick, who is doing a crossword and is confronted with the clue: citrus bearing plant, two words, five and four letters. From such small things, misreported, are big myths grown.

Anyway the fruit theme is thanks to my friend Bill who asked me to do some photographs of apples for her in connection with a publicity programme for an NHS service. My lips are sealed as the fruit must remain under wraps, but it was a fun affair in which I got to place my Panasonic Lumix under remote control from my iPad, all in a good cause and to excellent effect. Bill was impressed with my lighting and creative suggestions. "You've obviously worked with fruit before" she said to which I replied coyly: "Yes, but I never talk about it; I was young and I needed the money".

I have been listening to Amy Schumer's Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo in the car, narrated by the author herself. That is also a fruity affair, the first section being entitled "an open letter to my vagina". She hurls the f word around with great gusto and is entertaining in her description of wealth, one night stands and stuffed animals. I texted my friend S. to tell her it reminded me of her and she went to Google and came back enthused. 

Today was my first full day back at work in nearly two months and a little hard going; I crashed at about 3.30, got through to the end of an eight hour day and went home. Mr Bear was in need of someone to talk to so we went to the pub for an hour and sat in the garden, the humidity debilitating, him with a beer and me with an alcohol free Becks. It was very very hot today. We had a long conversation about his future career options. I suggested gigolo. He told me he had met one once, on holiday. Apparently Cunard hired him occasionally to waltz old ladies on cruises. I misheard and thought he said Kew Gardens; the idea of a tango amongst the trees was quite exotic.

I had a good workout at the gym and when I walked out the heavens opened. Donner und blitzen and cold cold rain. I got soaked in the three minutes it took to walk home. The Girl Racer cooked me fish fingers and the cats came in early. 

It has as they say been a fruitful day. And now to bed ...