Feeling immensely sad ..

I have little to add ..  more sobbing today. I feel very disappointed in myself for not continuing to care for mum, and very disappointed in how hysterical I got the last night she was here. It was my outburst and hysteria which was the last straw. I was actually afraid I might end up hurting her.

I was sobbing hysterically, holding my phone, and wondering who you were supposed to phone when you were afraid of hurting your mother.

I didn't hurt her. But it was a frightening situation.

Mum said - 'Look at yourself. You're mad. You need a doctor.'

All true, I suspect.

Fortunately to her it's soon forgotten. Not to me. I'm now haunted by my own lunacy.

I didn't visit her today - I thought it might confuse things - I'll go tomorrow. But I think I'll lose her now - if she isn't seeing me all the time she really won't remember me.

The only useful thing I've done today is replace my mum's toy dog - Ginger's nose - because my naughty puppy had bitten it off.

I also have a stinking cold.

Is this the most miserable blip you ever read? I expect so.

My poor puppy hasn't had as much exercise as she needs because of my malaise - poor thing.

This is probably the best photo I've taken of a green woodpecker ..

*And thank you for all your kind sympathetic comments yesterday*