Day 11...

Change of picture...lesson learned today, food DOES NOT look good in black and white ;) Bonsai...much better! Made it out to the conservatory this afternoon - it was quite busy, lots of little screaming children around...felt really distracted, but I managed to get a few great shots...they'll be up on Flickr soon.

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Well, it's officially the holiday season, but doesn't quite feel like it. Thanksgiving was OK yesterday, just finding it a little hard to get into the mood, as much as I love the holidays, it doesn't feel the same this year. Im really trying to be positive, but I feel like I'm faking it. I feel like things are unresolved with Noah - it's been so up and down the past few weeks. I really do not feel like myself at all...I can put on a smile and be fine, but it's such a front.

But I'm trying...I really am. This is not healthy for me and I know it - we need to just air things out and either try to mend our relationship or I need to disconnect from him completely - no contact at all and move on. Even professional people are telling me that this is not healthy for me and to let him go. I know all of this and more...I dont give up easily, but once I move on, I really don't plan on looking back, I don't tend to revisit my past, I can count on one hand the second chances that I've given people...and Noah knows this. We'll see...

The other day at work a friend walked by and grabbed my hand "oh, no ring yet...he better put one on there soon before someone else sweeps you up"...and he went on and on about how great it is that I'm so happy with Noah, how lucky we both are to have found each other...and how inspiring our love is to him. Obviously he doesn't know...only a few people know about us, I just haven't felt like dredging up the story to every person I come across, it's not easy to talk about. I just smiled and said I was late to meeting. Those moments kill...

Blipping my breakfast this morning...horrible shot, might replace it later. Felt like something light, went with a cucumber sandwich on a whole wheat pita with green tea. Weird sandwich, I know, but it really is so good and refreshing. I first had it at a bridal shower for a friend and I was addicted from my first bite. Talking about food...I WANT a Shun!!! This is by far the best knife I've ever held...might be a Christmas purchase for myself ;) I really love Williams-Sonoma...but I can't spent too much time in there...other items on my wish list: Ice Cream Maker, Pasta Roller, Sparkling Water Maker, Dutch Oven, Decanter, Fry Pan.

I'm off w/ the camera...need to get out of the house...maybe see a movie...take some pictures...try to get a dose of inspiration...

This song is in my head today...her voice is just amazing...