Logical advice gets you in a whirl ....
Let me preface this by saying it is imperative that you ladies, sexually active, between the ages of 23 and ..... go for a regular smear test.
Today I had 10 minutes with a lovely, lovely lady.
"What do you want first?"
"Asthma please, and I will demonstrate my ability to use my inhaler, but not actually use it, because I don't want to overdose myself on steroids."
"Ha ha ha, brilliant - you are the only one who had brought their inhaler, blow for me now".
I blowed.
"You've got this under control eh?"
"Yes, apart from when I have an attack".
"Have you ever been hospitalised? "
"No, I take my inhaler, that usually works".
We then had to view several hundred question which I suggested she fill in so crazily that I would be referred to a psychiatrist, but she said she didn't think I needed one. We did however use the code for "Had a Chinwag with patient" (Official NHS Coding for Guidance). Which made us giggle lots. Then she said...
"Okay, lets get this over with".
"I hate it",
"Everyone does".
"I've had two children, a hysterectomy ,and a smear every bloody three years since I was 18"
"It's not something you get used to, but I am a ninja - I will be in and out before you know it"
I disrobed and "assumed the position". I had seriously contemplated taking my camera out to distract myself, and grab a photo of her between my thighs.... but sadly, to my utter shame, I yelped....
"F*&^ing hell", followed by 50 versions of sorry. and "I can't believe I just swore".
And that was it. In the time it took me to assume the position, say a sweary word and apologise I was done.
Those 20 seconds could mean the difference between knowing about a serious cancer, and not.
And life.
And Death.
So, no matter how yeuky, and distressing it appears, please go and get it done.
You too might meet Ninja Nurse!
As I left, I told her I had contemplated taking the picture.... "Oh my god", she said, "I so wish you had, I would have been so up for that".
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