Unsettled

I finished work this afternoon for 2 wks. I know I should feel very lucky at getting this time off over Christmas but I would actually like less. I am dreading the holiday but also slightly feeling ok about it all. I am all mixed up.

I came out of work with a few boxes of chocolates and individual presents and walked up the street in tears. I am playing the next week's plans that are out of my control over and over in my head and making myself ill with anxiety.

I went for a coffee when I left work and tried to read my book. Failed, so went for  a drive in the car and ended up at my favourite view.

Then went along to my counsellor.

Tomorrow is the only day that I will have to myself as the following 5 days I will be along at Mum's . I am definitely having a long lie.