My achy breaky heart

I left Audrey today for the first time since she was born. Well, lets be honest for the first time in ten months (as I carried her for nine of those). I went to a meeting in Nottingham and left her with her new grandparents.

The day didn't start well. A fight with my husband about who was more tired then I picked a fight with my Mum when she arrived. Tears, more tears and then even more tears when it was finally time to leave her.

I never knew I could feel this way. I never had a maternal bone in my body. Well I've sure as hell got one now!! Every part of me pined for her from the moment I left the house. I even missed her crying, the same crying that has been driving me insane for the past four weeks. Its not that she wasn't in safe hands (she was in the safest hands I know), I just had this indescribable ache for her.

I cried when I bought my ticket at Manchester Piccadilly, cried when I bought my sandwich, cried when I sat down on the train and for the whole journey, pretty much. I was That Strange Crying Lady. I got some odd looks but I didn't give a stuff.

I only stopped crying when I got into the meeting. Then the strangest thing happened. I wasn't a Mum anymore. I went straight back into business mode (with a slightly less sharp brain - I kept starting sentences I couldn't finish that would trail off at the end!!) I feel guilty saying this but for the time that I was in the meeting, I almost forget about her.

I'm writing this on the train on the way home now and I can't tell you how excited I am to see her again. I don't care if she keeps me up all night (ahem - we'll see). I just need to get back to her as quick as this train will carry me....

Today's picture is of my bags as I waited for the train. The train journey should have been an opportunity to sleep or listen to music or read a novel (things I haven't managed to do in ages). So what did I do? Looked at pictures of Audrey on my phone and read a baby book. Obviously.