My soul is tired

I finally got some big, much anticipated news I've been waiting for in my life. But it wasn't exactly the news I wanted.

I've been living a gypsy, in-limbo life for so long now. Not out of choice, but out of necessity while I wait. I have been waiting to get funding to start my PhD. A pursuit I've been pushing towards for a long time at the University of Otago in far-away NZ. I've jumped through so many hoops, networked with so many people, and been creative and persistent writing grants and figuring out a way to fund this necessary next step to becoming a bonafide professor - my dream one day.

After spending the winter doing a pre-requisite course to begin all that stands in my way is the funding. Today though as I held my breath opening the mail I couldn't help but let out a deep sigh. The scholarship that was supposed to be my ticket declined. Back to square one. Meanwhile this feeling continues, the unbearable feeling that my life is passing me by...

I know they say happiness is a journey, not a destination, but sometimes you just want to arrive. Lord, my soul feels so tired.