Arthur Snortlehose

Arthur Snortlehose woke up on this bright September morning feeling as happy as he had done probably in the whole of his life. The night before laid out clearly in his mind like a well pressed eiderdown as he thought back to seeing Esmay Bewilderment in the buff for the very first time.

The previous evening had started like every other evening for Arthur with him in the Cloak & Anchor for his nightly dalliances with his favourite brew of stout. Then the magic of the day began to take hold as the out of town folk band began to set up and play. Their music was a bit like that band he'd heard of called Mums and their Buns which he was quite fond of. Then Esmay, a long term target of desire for our Arthur had arrived. She'd been on his mind ever since 1978 and the time she had bent over to pick up a dropped Monster Munch and before he could look away, he'd taken in quite literally everything. Arthur had been so dumbstruck at the sight he beheld the he had found himself stuck to the spot. Sadly his arch enemy Buster Shingleface had taken his chance and before you knew it a little Shinglehorse was brewing and Esmay was gone.

Two months earlier to this warm September evening, Esmay had seen her Buster disappear, quite literally, before her very eyes as he fell into a bog hole on the moors. His last words had been 'feed the pigeons!' and then he was gone.

Esmay walked into the pub and clocked Arthur with a smile. He, in turn, nodded exuberantly at her only to find himself over nod and fall off his stool. Within moments Esmay had him in her arms and her welcoming cleavage left Arthur feeling breathless.

'Let's dance,' she offered and within nano seconds they were tossing each other off around the dance floor with gay abandon.

The hours passed, the band packed away, the pub closed and fate found our new found and star cross eyed lovers at Arthur's front door and he whispered with his stout tainted breath,

'What can I get for you my little beauty?'

'Plums!' she shouted with utter conviction and joy. 'If you can deliver me plums then you can have what your heart most desires dear Snorty!'

Arthur's face dropped. Hidden at the back of his garden was a plum tree but it had not flowered with fruit for four years now so what hope was there? He escorted Esmay into his modern lounge complete with 146 inch plasma and man chair, and then ran into his moonlit garden to work through the brambles and find a plum and there, amazingly, were four years worth of gorgeous, wonderful, beautiful plums all waiting to be picked! Miracle of miracles!

Within moments Arthur had brought the delectable Esmay to see his plums and in return she showed him hers...

Proof that four years of waiting can lead to many joyous moments.

It's been a blip blast.

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