Mysterious Martin Mere

I set out today to tackle a simple five mile walk in the flat lands of West Lancashire, near Burscough. But the day took a mysterious and sinister turn.

The roads around there are very confusing. I had to buy a new road atlas, to replace one from which the relevant section showing my destination had been torn. Curious. Each time I stopped to check my route, I was harrassed by the driver of one of many white vans.

When I finally found the road on which I was supposed to park during my walk, I found it was closed, the closure point patrolled by a burly chap in a high visibility jacket. I drove five miles around the area to the other end of the road, which also was closed. The chap at that end seemed to have a curious bulge on one side of his jacket. It might have been a thermos flask - but I don't think so!

My walk began along the canal tow path. There I was almost run down by a cyclist who zoomed past me within inches and with no "ting ting" of his bell. The back of his head seemed to say "we don't like your sort round here."

Leaving the canal, I was the only person in a vast landscape dotted with small buildings, structures masquerading as farms and seemingly quaint "cottages." As I walked, I heard the sound of distant gunfire over the empty fields which the people in the pub later tried to explain away as "bird scarers" protecting newly-sowed crops. Just as they tried to have me believe that my constant sneezing was "hayfever" and not a reaction to their chemical warfare experiments.

But then I came close to what I believe was the cause of the mystery. Out in the vast plain is an establishment which calls itself "Martin Mere" - the pretext being that it is one of the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds most successful nature reserves, disguised with numerous wetland areas to accommodate water fowl.

But there are also odd observation platforms with what are obviously slots for the armed guards to train their weapons on possible escapers, those at least that manage to scale the security perimeter which was electrified. And nearby, a rank smelling "waste disposal facility."

So, is it really a site for keen ornithologists? I think perhaps not - unless I am very much mistaken. The evidence seems overwhelming and damning.