Err ...... now let me think .......

Many thanks to the BBC for this handy guide to what you can and cannot do in a polling station.

So, I can turn up drunk, under the influence of drugs, on horseback, dressed as a pirate or topless, with a ferret & the staff will look after my children. However I can't take a photo, discuss my vote, wear a rosette, especially if it's more than 4" in diameter. Fortunately, I can write a personal message to the candidates. After visiting 3 polling stations with 2 sets of polling cards, desperately trying to find somewhere to make my mark I feel like a drink!

Apparently ......

Taking photos
There's nothing in the law that bans taking photos but the Electoral Commission very strongly discourages any photography inside a polling station because of laws about maintaining the secrecy of the ballot.

Can you tweet about voting?
No, even if it's about your own vote. Outside is OK.

Can you bring a pet?
Dogs are allowed as long as they don't disrupt the vote. Before the 2008 London Mayoral election polling staff were issued with advice stating that dogs had to be in an "accompanying" role rather than "free-range". Also, should you arrive at a gallop, horses and ponies should be tethered up outside. There is no guidance on other animals such as rabbits, ferrets or pot-bellied pigs.

Can you wear political clothing?
At the last general election Nigel Tonkin, then Westminster Council's head of administrative services, said that context was important. "There's a candidate standing in Westminster as a pirate," he said. "And if he comes in to vote in a pirate costume as is likely, we won't turn him away. The same goes for any supporters coming to vote as pirates." But voters dressed in party T-shirts would not be able to enter the polling station as it may be intimidating. Apparently, a topless man is okay but a topless woman would be too distracting.

Can I vote if I've been drinking?
Yes. Polling station staff cannot refuse a voter simply because they are drunk or under the influence of drugs. Only if the voter is disruptive will they be asked to return when they have sobered up.

Can I wear a giant rosette?
No. The only people permitted to wear a rosette are the candidates and their polling agents.
The guidance in 2008 set out a maximum width of "three to four inches".

Can I discuss the candidates with my partner?
No. Political discussion is banned inside the polling station.

Can I bring my children to show them how it works?
Yes. Polling station staff are expected to be welcoming to under-18s so as not to put off the voters of tomorrow. If someone has several young children, a member of the polling station staff can look after them while the parent or guardian votes.

Can I write a message to the politicians?
You can but it may mean your vote won't be counted. There's a tradition of deliberately spoiling ballot papers. "None of the above" is one of the more polite ways of showing you are not apathetic, just contemptuous of the candidates on offer. I daren't tell you what form of words my neighbour uses.

Can I sign my ballot paper?
People do occasionally sign their ballots. If the name is identifiable your vote won't count. They are considered rejected ballots because the voter has revealed their identity and breached the rules of a secret ballot. Signing your ballot paper was fairly common in the 19th Century when candidates would pay people to vote for them. Under that system it was possible for the candidate to check up later who had voted for them by looking for signatures, and pay out accordingly.

And today, I also bought a wedding dress. Quite a day.