The worst toy ever

Hey Tony Tigerbear here.
Mom said I was time to write one for her because she is tired. Really? She slept all night. I was the one who was busy.
She was out late and I had to wait up. I chastised her when she got home. ( I heard that word on masterpiece theater the other day and have wanted to use it)
I have decided I don't like how the mice feel in my mouth. That is why I can't carry them for a long time or kill them. My mom was really mad when I brought her the mouse this morning. I kept spitting it out. It was so gross. Between you and me? I would recommend everyone in my house shake their shoes before they put them on.
Daddy has to plug the hole in the basement mom found this weekend. If he doesn't mom will" freakin' do it herself" there were some swears involved but, I have better manners. As we speak, it still is not plugged. Mom has asked me to deliver the next mouse to him.
Anyway,
I am sitting next to the worst toy ever. It's a glove with rigid metal thingys in the fingers and Pom poms on the ends.,I have advised my Mom that this is the creepy clown of cat toys. I hate it. Ethel hates it and Mia just runs away from it. I jump back from it and even after I hiss at it, it does not go away.
Mom finally threw it any this evening. Good riddance I say.
After, I was so traumitized by the experience that I asked for a treat and Mom gave me a marshmallow. Ok I give up. What kind of sadistic person invented marshmallows? Oh the kind that loves to laugh at a cats reaction to them.
People they stick, to your paw, your mouth your foot, and no matter how you shake them. They don't come off.
(also in this category are the evil peeps. If you don't know what they are, Google peeps).
I wagged my tail so fast it was a blur. I then retreated into my box of invisibility. I keep my favorite feather toy in there. It needed to be punished.
It was exhausting and I was sitting in from of mom and.....closed.....my ......eyes .....for....the l...briefest......moment ..... And dozed off. Apparently there is something hysterical about that. Mom and dad laughed like hyenas. Mom snorted. She is very pretty.
I finally put mom to bed by walking to the end of the stairs and crying until she came over and went upstairs with me. I jumped on the bed and when she went to give me a hug.....psyche! I ran away.
Besides she left an emery board ( nail file) downstairs. That needs some serious punishment also.
So off I go to another night of fun and mom is off to bed.
Another thing I heard on TV the other day?
Heavy is the head, that wears the crown.
That was SO written about me.
G'day Downunder and goodnight to the north.
See you soon
Meow.