Fri 23rd Sep 2004

I remember feeling really crest fallen this night - logged on to AOL as usual very late at night as dying to speak to him as usual.
At one point, when I guess I was asking a few questions to try to get a better idea as to how he felt for me, he wrote
"we're good mates....no more than that"
I spoke to Clare for ages as was actually so close to tears - I thought that night that he was telling me it was good to spend time together, but he wasn't looking for anything serious.
Now, all these years later - whatever he felt that night came back ten fold.

I am trying to write this blip to remember the good times.  To help myself .... why the whole thing is so utterly devastating to me as I have loved him to deeply from the start.  Understand all the reasons as to why I am taking this so badly.
That night, Friday 23rd Sep 2004 - I was gutted.  I wanted it to be so much more than what he wrote.
Even now, more than 6 months after he told me I made him unhappy, I wish I still had him by my side because I have never felt the love I have for him with anyone else in my life.  Nor shall I.