Meet me at the Yellow Doors

Little did I know back in September these doors would be walked through so many times by me. They are the doors to the out patients where I saw the nurses and the psychiatrist, and the doors to the two wards I went to, to get ECT. If I had an appointment at the weekend the nurses would say ‘meet me at the yellow doors’ so we could get into outpatients with their key or take a walk round the grounds.  

Today I walked through these doors for the last time to see the psychiatrist.  I sobbed through the appointment while trying to tell him that I am noticing a difference with the addition of the Lithium, although still finding it hard to motivate myself. I haven’t cut for several days now; the longest I have gone. I have no suicidal thoughts.  Apparently I have been a ‘good patient’, as I have done everything that has been asked of me and I have resilience. (!)

Every time I think of me not going back up there it physically hurts; I have only felt like this once before in my life; after Dad died.

So that is me discharged, no follow up, apart from an appointment with a random psychiatrist in 3months. Just my GP if I need it. I’ve to watch if my sleep goes wonky for 2 or more nights, apparently that is a sign that things are going a bit wrong.

 I then took my camera into Cameratiks, where I found out that it is the shutter unit that needs replaced; so £122 and 2weeks later I will get my camera back.  So it will be phone shots for the next 2weeks.

 And it was still only 11am! Came home and lay on the sofa for the afternoon feeling sorry for myself. The tears have never been far away.