A wee note

If you've felt heart break, you will be able to understand me. Why does a slip of paper, with some words scribbled on it, have the power to find yourself locked in the bathroom, on the floor with tears just pouring down your face. Snot everywhere, forcing yourself to breath and eyes feeling like glue.
He hopes we're all doing well. Does he really think I'm doing well? I can't believe he does, he knew me better than anyone and must know what his actions have done. So, he is either truly in a place where he gives me no thought at all, despite how cruel he has been, or he blocks it all out. Is he really capable of just making all those years......'nothing'?
I could say my heart is broken, that I'm in pain. But neither of these describe how I feel. I sometimes wish I could find the right words. Just to capture it somehow.
My heart....it's just so sore. And tired, so very tired.
My eyes are so wrinkled now. Yes, age too but in these past few months the crying has not been kind. At all. Not that I care how I look now. It's just such a noticeable change.

He returned two collars, two leads, and his house keys.
Another gesture of things being over.
5 and a half months over.
God I wish I didn't miss him so much. His laugh, his smile, his gorgeous teeth.
I just don't know what I did wrong. Why I deserved this to happen. I only ever loved him. Worshipped him. Adored him.
He was my best friend.
One day, one day I will manage not to cry from morning til night....then I will start to feel I will make it.
Coz, right now.....I'm just not interested.