Wow, It's been too long..

I'm sorry I haven't blipped in a while, I've had exmas and works and what not This blip was today, out in the sun, new tongue balls and afer 2 blue ice pops and 2 blue sour lollies. It was a good day.

I guess I should update you on everything,
Exams are going bad. Like really bad.
I'm talking to Josh loads, and I've seen him everyday since like last Friday which has been nice up until now. I'll explain
I'm over life

Right, Josh.
I really like him, I really do, and yesterday he told me he liked me, so I was obvioulsy over the moon and really looking forward to seeing him today. I met him from school as I only had my exam today then no lessons.
So we walked home, and just chilled in the shade as it was far too hot. We leant against a wall at the top of his street and his Mum walked by. I got nervous. I never get nervous meeting peoples parents, but I dunno, Josh is different, or so I thought.
Anyways, we went to his and chilled in his garden breifly and then took his dog, Archie for a walk and we sat at the castle park and lay down on the grass. It was so nice, just lying in the sun talking to him. I snuggled up to him and placed my head on his tummy and he wrapped his arm around me and tickled my back. It was just perfect.
After that I met my friend and then came home. Once I was home I spoke to Josh on facebook, and he told me he's not over his ex. My heart honestly sank
I couldn't believe it really.
Like he tells me he likes me then this?
I thought it could of been different, but I guess not. I guess I'm just gonna get my head fucked with forever.
I really like this kid
It's weird, I thought I wasn't over my ex, but meeting Josh made me realise I totally was.
It just slightly annoyed me.

I'm going to wait a the school for him tomorrow and walk down with him and try and sort things out, I just want to talk it all through and understand exactly whats going on in his head. Like where I stand and what not.

That's really got me down tonight, so right now, I'm currently drowning my sorrows in vodka and fosters.
Depression is so bad at the minute.
The only thought that has been rushing through my head is 'get the knife'
It's tempting. Really tempting. To just end everything.
I haven't felt like this in so long. Like since me and Josh have been talking he's made me so happy and forget all my troubles, that's why I think its different. I trust him, and god, my trust issues are bad. But I do, I really do.

I just want to see him. And I won't get to see him for like another, 14 hours.
Bloody hell

could this be love?