Love….Pah

Another really hard day. I woke up, sat on the edge of the bed and immediately started crying and couldn’t stop. I had a hospital appointment where a nurse and I were going to go for a coffee and a chat. I could not think of anything worse. I phoned them and begged them to let me cancel. They were adamant that I had to be seen, as they knew I was feeling unsafe. A nurse came down to me and stayed for only 10mins just to check things.

I have lots of things going on in my head. Some things from my counselling session last night and other thoughts about the illness and how it is affecting me. I know a few of my thoughts aren’t actually true but they feel it to me; I feel no one cares, I’m on my own,(I’m right on that one) it’s me against everybody else, I am in a hole and can’t get out, I’m going to be like this forever, what is the point in trying because nothing is working. It’s hard and tiring when you have lots in your head.

A few nights ago Mum suggested we go out for tea tonight; something I didn’t want to do, but I couldn’t let her down. So this is the window of the restaurant getting ready for the weekend.