Another angle.

This is the little sparkly tree I bought a month or so ago that I can't quite capture the sparkles in. Not to worry, I think I've captured a bit of atmosphere.

Yesterday I felt beaten up by life and losing the motivation to fight back. I felt so much like it all has to be my fault that things are going wrong and I just wanted to withdraw from everything, to tell social services that I don't want any more respite or day care and could everyone associated with these things please just leave me in peace.

I don't want to have to fight for the simple considerations.

I cried a lot.

Then I came out fighting once more. I reported them to the organisation that runs the home and to the Quality Care Commission (hope I've remembered their name correctly).

I felt good for doing that and then today I felt guilty for reporting them because I just want a peaceful life. I don't want to make life harder for anyone or get anyone into trouble.

Then I thought that it was my duty to report them to save anyone else going through this and to get them to find a better way of running the home and sorting out the belongings of the residents.

Later today I had a reply from the organisation who run the home to ask me which home it was. In all my offloading and complaining to them I hadn't told them which home it had been. So I emailed back to tell them and felt a bit sick but knew it was what I had to do.

I can see the friendly faces of the staff who seemed to want to help and were sorry about it all and it stung me that I was having to do what I was doing but then I thought nobody should be sent home in someone else's underwear and it helped me to feel less guilty.

Tonight I heard that my ex mother in law died a year ago last September and my step father in law has parkinsons and is blind. I might try and go round to visit. It was a bit of a shock to hear that she had died. That knocked me for six a bit.