A city in shock

As the cold light of a new day dawned upon the Great Border City its residents were waking up to the realisation that their olympic dream was well and truly over.

Scarcely two days ago, workmen were still putting the finishing touches to the new Olympic Stadium which was play host to the athletics competitions of the 2012 games. Now all that remains is ash, some charred bleachers and in a gruesome display, the ugly twisted remnants of the Olympic symbol itself, five warped rings (pictured)

As the inferno raged, news of it spread as quickly around the city as the flames did around the hammer circle, commentary box and medal rostrum, with huge crowds of locals turning up to witness the spectacle. Indeed with the very issue of the stadiums spiralling build costs raising more than an occasional eyebrow among the citys Council Tax payers, it is thought that a planned boycott, organised via the underground social networking website 'twatter' would have seen less attending the opening ceremony and ensuing games than the estimated 20,000 who witnessed their eventual demise yesterday evening.

Police forces were stretched to breaking point as they shepherded the crowds around the citys narrow arteries - (not helped by the closure of the Millenium bridge after 2 American tourists were trapped within it for four hours in 2005.) A spokesman for the force, PC Derek Ibble said " this is a great tragedy for the city, I was really looking forward to watching the womens gymnastics but perhaps it was never meant to be" . When it was pointed out that the gymnastics could still go ahead in the Sands Centre main hall (after they've put away the seating from the Jimmy Carr gig) officer D ibble said " Yes! " "get in" " I hope that Olga Corbett lass is still doing it"

As speculation mounts about how the fire started, some are supporting the notion that it may have been an 'inside job'. Certainly it seems a tad suspect that there were such well managed crowd control barriers in place even before the bulk of the crowd had arrived. And also strange that despite the prolifery of mobile telecommunication devices evident in the massing crowd, that noe of them saw fit to call in the fire brigade. (they might have been forgiven for remembering that two way calls are one of the many 'applications' on their cellular devices, as well as taking shit photos in the near dark.

Naturally, the Cumbria Fire and Rescue service were in attendance to begin their investigations as soon as they were able to get close to the site. Officer Derek Sam, of the service was leading the investigation and remained tight lipped when questioned by press. However, when pressed further, Fireman Sam hinted that he hadnt ruled out a deliberate malicious act of combustion may indeed be at the heart of the blaze. However, suggestions that the water jump had been mistakenly filled with petrol were quickly quashed when it was pointed out that even with Tescos 5p per litre discount or those Morrision £5 vouchers which come in so handy at Christmas, nobody could possibly have afforded to fill it beyond half. Fireman Sam went on to say "It really is a great shame for the city" " nay a tragedy" " I was really looking forward to watching the womens gymna................................"

Also on site early this morning was local architect Councillor Alf Roberts who, as well as designer of the now flattended stadium, has long been seen as the public figurehead of the campaign to bring the games to Carlisle. Cllr Roberts seemed at times close to tears as he surveyed the charred remains this morning, kicking his patent leather shoes into a pile of dust he was surprised as a dying ember gave up its last energy and burnt a hole in his pork pie hat. When asked about the citizens apparent indifference to the blaze and the as yet unconfirmed reports of some localised cheering from the left side of the crowd as the VIP hospitality box fell from its wooden stilts into the inferno, Cllr Roberts said "fuck 'em" "they don't deserve the Olympics" "we'll probably spend the insurance money on a right good knees up in the town hall" " that, and maybe re-pave Castle Street again"


More officials in attendance of the aftermath included Building Control officer Kevin McQuiet. Speaking to a Channel 4 camera crew, Kevin said " what Councillor Roberts had done here was create a masterpiece of contemporary design, a wonder of the modern architectural world." " he somehow reconciled the modern penchant for concrete and sliding glass doors with a 100% carbon neutral design utilising only local, sustainable building materials to create what was not just a stadium for the modern games but which would have provided a legacy for generations to come" "his vision, determination in the face of adversity, and frequent ridicule from his peers, did little to steer him from his course of completion on time and within budget, Iand I, for one, applaud him for that" "(though if he'd used concrete it wouldnt have caught alight)"

So my friends, as this reporter moves onto pastures new (a 10 mile race in Keswick at noon), and as Scamp takes a last piss on the still smouldering remains of the race referees stool we can ask but one question. "How long does it take to get to London on the West Coast Virgin Pendolino? " "and is it cheaper to drive to Penrith to catch it from there to take advantage of the reduced fares for depressed areas of the region"