Moments ..

I needed today. Well, I needed this evening to be precise.

I think I am suffering some undiagnosed unresolved post natal depression, made worse by the fact that I never felt that Storm and I bonded made worse by the fact that my Mum draws comparisons between my girls and me and my sister (who were chalk and cheese and now haven't spoken for 5 years) I am slipping down the slope of failure feeling but I know that I am not a failure. I need to pull my head up and have a good talking with myself. Whatever way, Storm is the one bringing these feelings out in me so I've come to the conclusion that either a, I'm failing her as an individual miserably or b, that she's hit terrible 2's or c, she's extremely intelligent and is purposefully testing my strength. Please my child, please stop.

This evening, we picked her up from nursery and she cried all the way home. 25 minutes. Non stop. We're meant to collect Clara but I asked Mr G to drop me and Storm home so I could check her and sort her in peace. She's fine. She had her bath, I gave her her milk bottle which I usually just give to her in her cot, but tonight I cuddled her on the settee, she nearly fell to sleep whilst chugging on the bottle and fiddling with Charlie Bears label. As soon as the bottle was finished, I asked if she wanted to go to bed and she shook her head - which means yes. She is the most beautiful girl, she is much prettier than Clara was, she just has this look about her, big dark eyes, and dark features ... I needed this evening to reinforce to myself that I am not a failure, that I'm not failing my baby. Perhaps I need a little help, but ultimately, I do love and care for her. I really do.