Winch tastic

Hmm, very very stiff today, especially across the right shoulder .... took the day off work and went to the doctors. Im dissapointed that I dont get the doctor in our local practice that is married to J.k rowling so I can make harry potter jokes. However, I get a lady doctor who confirms that I am not dead.

She prescribes mind altering medication that I most likely wont take and tells me that I have the normal seatbelt / car accident inflicted bruises and related muscle pain. She said to take it easy for a few days and go back and see her next week if this persists.

Eric has arrived now from australia and I have a good chat with him today, so I have inherited an uncle eric for six months or so with an auntine kay to follow on next month. Woo Hoo. I plan to take them to Roslin chapel and some other places.

Otherwise, I have a pretty uneventfull day, although I have a particularly nice moment cuddling three out of my four daughters while having a lay down on the bed. It was one of those spotaneously nice moments when life doesnt get any better and I wished there was a hidden lense in the ceiling that could have take quick snap. Not that I condone hidden lenses or anything you understand but these were acceptable circumstances. Getting up making aaarrggghghghghg noises makes you feel old....

The insurance company deliver the courtesy car, a vauxhall zafira and I notice this has a sport button, I mean whats the point of a sports button on a zafira, must give you the football commentary when you press it or something. Its like one of those pointless inventions that you get in the betterware catalogue like one big slipper for two feet.

LIkewise, the coachworks guy turns up to asses the damage to the car and states "thats not a fixerupper". No sh*t sherlock, I could have told you that over the phone and saved you the petrol money. He was a nice bloke though and attending his second subaru accident of the day.

Todays blip is the winch that I purchased for the boat and it comes with a rather unusual warning sticker.

You would expect, danger, dont mess around with this winch, danger this is not a toy, danger dont put your hands in here while winching, danger read the instructions before use... but no... its has.....

danger, not for winching humans.... like what the...... why on earth would I want to winch a human, do you get winches for fat people or something ? like sofa winches..... or a get me out of bed in the morning sort of winch, who in there right minds buys a winch on ebay and thinks, you know what, Im going to winch someone today.

Suppose for a moment that your best mate had fallen through the ice, or was hanging off a cliff or in quick sand and you were like sorry mate, this winch isnt for humans. Any chance you could sign a disclaimer.

I can think of many comedy winch uses, such as attaching it to the man round the corners door handle or maybe winching his car past his front window, or waiting for a boy racer to stop at the shop and attaching it to his bumper... but I cant actually think of any normal everyday uses for winching a human.... There must be weight to this warning though and some reason for the winch company thinking this was important enough to warrant having a sticker printed up. There must be many human winch accidents ?

As a parent of 4 girls, it might have a use in torturing unsuitable boyfriends, dont mess with me or I will winch ya....

So if your in east lothian and see random boyfriends being winched up trees, dont panic, I read the safety leaflet before use. If anybody would like to make use of this winching service, then please get in touch, I offer very reasonable rates.

I remember meeting laurens first boyfriend Kevin, who was a right royal pain in the ass and thinking to myself while driving my golf gti into the driveway, thinking I could bounce him off the bonnet and probably stop before the garage. In hindsight, winching would be the way to go.

Fathers everywhere, buy a winch the potential is huge, you could pull their arms off, or winch them in from behind your subaru after some concrete surfing, its not going to get any more dented than it is already. Boyfriends are the main reason that I also own jump leads and long nose pliers....

Regrettably, i am unable to actually put this into practice at the moment as Dean and Dan (the oldest two's BFs) I quite like so far and havent yet pissed me off.


Dont worry boys, the winch isnt going anywhere soon.