Blinded

Love is a beautiful, and terrible emotion. It can be what brings us joy. But also, more often than not, it's what hurts us. Usually because we're blinded by it. And that is what inspired my drawing.

I've just been hit with a rather hefty dose... But the pain isn't for me, so much. It's for the man I love.

We had an anniversary recently (an insignificant one neither of us remembered until today) and we're only just coming out of the 'honeymoon' period. Four months. Doesn't seem like much. But for us, it's quite a big deal. We met on his 15th birthday, and he'll be 25 this August. There was always chemistry between us, but I was a shy, confused, un-confident girl. And he was a shy, confused, un-confident boy. When we EVENTUALLY got it together this year, we didn't think we would become serious, certainly not as quick as we have. The problem lies in the fact we live about 80minutes drive from each other. We really only get time together every second weekend while Master Four Year Old is with his father.

In the last three weeks, the boyfriend has been increasingly moody, snappy, and un-motivated. Slowly losing his smile and laughter. I put it down to the ridiculous number of hours he's at work each week, then having to do work while he's at home, as well. Cutting into his sleep.
That's what I wanted to believe.
That's where I was blinded by love.

The boyfriend is one of the strongest people I know. It takes a lot to bring him down. He's had battles with depression in the past, but everything is going good. Why would he be sinking back into a depression?

Because that's just the way life goes.
And I was too blinded by bliss to see it.

When it comes to him, this isn't the first time I've been blind. He was dropping hints back in high school that he liked me. Did I see them? No. I just saw a lovely guy who I was lucky enough to have as a friend.
He was dropping hints last year that he was interested. Did I see them? No. Why would an incredibly attractive, talented, lovely man show interest? It was just that innocent friendly flirtation. I do that with most of my friends. He actually had to spell it out for me.
I'd had a crush on him for YEARS during high school. The 'dream husband' I created in my head all those years ago is remarkably like the man the boyfriend is today. But it was just a 'dream'...

So, being blind to his pain now, makes me feel like I've let him down. It took him taking out a bad mood on me, worried phone calls from his brother, and his boss (after a storm out) for me to see what I saw, but didn't register. He's hurting.
But now I know, and now he knows I know, we're pushing through all this. He knows I wouldn't deliberately ignore anything.

Maybe it's time for me to get my vision checked.

"How could I have been so blind, and not see you?
The more that I look, the more I find
You've led me to the truth.
I am nothing if I'm without you.
You've opened my eyes."
~ Blind - Third Day