Rose

I know I coulda saved the love that night if I'd known what to say

I'm getting all melodramatic again. For some reason Sunday night seems to be insomnia night and I spend hours tossing and turning and playing stuff over in my head. Then I wake up with my 'stupid head' on and start thinking like a complete tool again. Result? You don't wanna know. Needless to say that the digital age of instant messages and emails isn't doing me any favours. Of couse celebrated sensible thinking is something that I couldn't do less anyway.

I repented my sins in front of the altar yesterday. I bet that'll be a chuckle when the slab (or whatever they use up there, writing pad etc) arrives on gods desk.

"Hmmm, Gary Hutchinsons sins? Seems to be a longer list than Charles Mansons. I see here he once urinated in someones mouthwash and then replaced the lid......"

I admit murder and running some mad cult aren't amongst my sins but someone once told me gluttony, sloth (which is an animal :S) and jealousy (coverting ones neighbour. Actually talking of neighbours.... Umm I'll tell you at the end) or whatever they call it is. Of that your honour I am guilty. Bang to rights.

The pics from the christening are worrying. I look slightly sweaty, slightly uncomfortable and very red faced. Must be the strain of passing all that sin on to the big man. Mind you when our kid got married in the same church I looked similar, just gaunt and pale instead. So I've gone from 'smackhead' to 'uncomfortable unfit smoker' in five years. I sincerely hope by the next christening I can deal with the perspiration problem that dogs me in places of worship.

Can you believe I even got my words wrong. I said Family instead of Flock or something. I was actually thinking about how attractive the blond girl from my brothers work was, and pondering whether female prison officers would be harder than me. I concluded yes.

Serious note though I still believe that something (something I may have alluded to prior to today. A lot. Relentlessly) is meant to be. I still truly believe that I will get a message. I must be mental.

Actually scratch that we already know I am.

Wow 203 entries. It only seems like a couple of days ago I hit the 200....

Still smarting from relegation. People are avoiding me at work as if they're scared of upsetting me. Seriously am I that angry and highly strung? Surely the persona that I project is that of happy go lucky joker with a glint in his eye and a positive words for anyone? No? Really?

There's something symbolic in this picture. They're the roses I bought the day I popped into Debbies place of work trying desperately to rekindle something I never had in the first place. They're looking a little dry, a little faded and a little past their best. Like me. Apart from the dry.


My neighbour has bought himself a chainsaw. He likes to use it from around nine in the morning until late at night. He has so far hacked his way through three full tree trunks.

ITS FUCKING MAY YOU IDIOT, YOU DON'T NEED AN OPEN FIRE IN 20 DEGREE HEAT. NOW TURN THE BLOODY CHAINSAW OFF BEFORE I COME ROUND YOUR HOUSE AND MAKE MYSELF SOME IDIOT SANDWICHS BY SLICING BITS OF YOU OFF ONTO MY BREAD.

Failing that I could just turn my stereo onto Shit FM (or Radio One as the kids call it), whack it up to full blast and face the speakers next door. Then go to work.

Which I did.