the pelt of a single beast

Does everyone else have this sort of variation about their head? I'm sure things ought to be more organised than this haphazard distribution of thicknesses and colours. Hopefully it has its uses; maybe people with a wide range of hair types on a single head are much sought by the criminal element in order to confound forensic trichologists.

Top left is the standard hair growing over most of the parietal lobes of my head; generally greyish but with touches of ginger and trace remnants of the brownish colour of the juvenile wingpig. Top right is the darker, thicker, wavier and dangerously swiftly-growing hair from the occipital region at the back of the head; if I were ever stranded anywhere without hairclippers or scissors I'd need to improvise something fairly swiftly to prevent the unsightly formation of a mullet. The colour appears to match my dad's hair when he was my age though photographic evidence suggests he appeared to have the same colour all over. Bottom left is the beard: mostly gingerish but featuring the odd stray thick black hair, occasional thinner but straighter and very quick-growing light brown hairs and increasing quantities of slightly thinner white wiry hairs. Bottom right is the wispy crap from my right temple; thinly-spaced, pale and narrow and the vast majority of the reason for converting to short hair last April.

Luckily the variation is reasonably gradual between different areas although there is a distinct jump over the course of a centimetre or two where beard becomes sideburn (though this is evening out with time). One thing which annoyed me as a child was that the hair at the back of my head grew much faster than the rest; it was an issue when I started to grow it long and is still the case now and the difference can surely only increase as greyness and thin-ness encroach from the front. I very much like the greyness (it goes well with the shorts) and don't particularly mind the thin-ness (the less heat I retain the better) but would like some sort of whole-head regularity to occur at some point, partly because I could then re-grow everything to the proper length.

No plug-holes were harmed in the making of this picture.