For Dad

Today's picture is a little tribute to my dad, who, if he had been alive, would have been 84 today. He grew up in Auchterarder, then Blackford and had 2 brothers and 2 sisters, with only the eldest sister still surviving. Here he is with mum on their wedding day, and they had 47 happy years together. Dad was the rock of our family, his sudden death in August 2002 was devastating to us all, especially as there was no chance to say goodbye, and as we are not a demonstrative family in terms of expressing our feelings, I always think, did he know just how much he meant to me. I have learned that people who experience the loss of a loved one can have feelings of guilt. "Why didn't I visit more, "why didn't I tell him how much he meant to me over the years" But then I answer that of course he knew just how much we loved him, we were all just getting on with our lives and would visit them most weekends. I spent the last weekend of his life decorating their bathroom, dad not being able to do much physical work due to heart problems, and he stopped and chatted as I worked. I still remember some of what we talked about, and that helps me . . . .

And of course the memories too of growing up and remembering just how much he would do for family, always offering to come and pick me up from discos or nights out, before I could drive, no matter how far from the village I went. I would say when it finished and he would be sitting outside in the car patiently waiting for me to come out.

Sometimes a song comes on the radio, and it reminds me of dad. He loved The Seekers, Johnny Cash, Lena Martell and Scottish Country Music. Being retired, he could devote loads of time to his favourite hobby, lawn bowls, indoors in the winter and outdoors in the summer and looked after the bar in the clubhouse, where he had many friends.

I wish he could have had the joy of knowing his 2 great-grandsons, he would have been so proud of them.

I had a special dad, kind and loving, his family was his world - miss you dad X