My Mountain hike,

Well, what a day today.....early morning I woke up, ready for my mountain walk.
At the breakfast Ludovica, my oldest daughter came to join me.
I told her that if, it would be just her, I would take her with me, but because of Annika , who would not be happy without her, I told her that we would see each other later

I left , and drove to " Capo Colle " ( the cabin I made a picture last Sunday when we arrived ), it's not a long drive from the Hotel, the sunlight was perfect, the mountains as well.
I had a chat with the man at the cabin, and he gave me some advice how to walk, telling me that it was also not difficult the hike.
I started hiking, and after a little while, beautiful views were rising in front of me.
I thought about my children, and about Fabio, how beautiful it would be to share this with them.
Nothing to do.....I took my self phone, told them to be ready, I would pick them up as soon as I could.

There I went back again?driving all the turns again to pick them up.
Of course it wasn't the most easy thing, but I thought it would be worthy.

I thought soooooo wrong.
Ones up again, the five of us, it started.....how long does it take, my legs are hurting, snow in my shoes, I'm thirsty, and so on, I started to get nervous when then also Timothy-boy started to cry.
The snow was at some points was high, and then the maximum was when twice the little hand bob just run down mountain To recover them, I needed to go way out of the pad, and there, snow was so thick that my legs just zincked inside. But I wanted that stupid toy back, just to stop my rising anger, to start enjoying with them.
Nothing to do, Fabio and me started to argument, and that was it!!!
Atmosphere was gone, just wrong!

How stupid I told myself, why not being selfish, and enjoying it with myself, instead all this trouble just made a crack in the original plan.
I felt like crying.
We walked for a while, but then, because of now fun, I told them better to go home.

There we were driving back again down mountain, what a disaster, how I was disappointed.

Ones back I the Hotel I thought it could be a idea to drive back, but at this point morning was already gone.

We went to the town, and children where happy at the play ground.

I took of one's again, but this time other direction, just not to loose more time, I just started hiking a pad along the road.

The path was leading to lago colibra, well, I thought, a lake is a challenge as well, good for my blip!!
It was a long heavy walk upwards, but that was good to deal with my anger.
After a while the view started to be very closed, because I found myself hiking between two mountains.
I was high, and this mountains started to push down on me.
I wanted to see the lake, so I went one, hiking the path.

After some more meters, my whole body told me to stop, I was too high, and this feeling of mountains to close, was not good.
I stopped, a little bit of sitting, telling myself, it was more than enough for today.

Ok, accepted.....I turned directions, but then, panic took over.
In some how I felt absolute not safe anymore.
My whole body was telling me DANGER!!!
I realized if I would slip, I would fall terrible downhill.
That would be a disaster, because how to get out.
Once off the path,
brrrrrr

I told myself to sit down, and to be calm.
With my foot, I made wholes in de snow to have more grip.
The path was really narrow, and I do not understand, that I did not see that going upwards.
Too focused on my goal, tha's how I'm, always focused on something, but this was NO good

Well, it was just about 100 meters, maybe even less, but I tell you NO fun.
Slowly bit by bit, I moved in sitting position.
I talked to myself as I do with my children, I prayed to the lord to help me.
I did it, I survived, but how stupid I told to myself.
That's how people get in big trouble, just doing foolish things.
My legs were shaking, and I needed to calm myself down.

After that horror, I just wanted to go down mountain, and I thought by myself, I'm ready to go home, to our lovely country side, with the green rolling hills, and the sheep.

It's 1.32 in the night at the moment, me and my body are more than ready to go to the bed, thinking about two things,
First of all, being a bit selfish in family life is not a wrong attitude, it will make you a better mother, and a better wife, because there is more space to breath.

Second I need to listen to my body and pre sentiment. No good, has to be stop.

It has no sense to feel sad about my day, but sorry I feel, because the place I choose to walk this morning was incredible beautiful, and I lost my occasion
I feel immense love for my children, but I need to learn to protect some personal space.
They were not thinking about me when they were skiing, and having fun this week, so why they always have to be my first thought.whatever I do??????

It's all about feeling guilty??


Good night!
Suzanne.

Ps: picture of the family walk