simplicity?

Haven't blipped for a while, that's for sure.

I went through a lot these past few weeks. Probably too much to even write it all down. One thing for sure I can say is though,

God was in all of them.

I had health problems and I'm still waiting for my doctor to get back to me. I freaked out of course, but I was reminded my body is for Him and if diagnosing me with something means to glorify Him, I have no fear then.


One thing I haven't learned for sure though is patience.

I was doing my quiet time with one of my roommates by reading the scripture out loud. Song of Songs has been pretty interesting, especially since, (chuckle) I had another heartbreak. But through it all, God was swooning me through His words. I have forgotten His love for me.
After one chapter out of Proverbs and Psalms, my roommate told me to turn to Romans 15. When I flipped to it, I found a little note I wrote to myself in December.

"May not my thoughts be my idol."

I flipped the paper back and found a little journal entry written with hasty hands. I felt so stubborn as I read the words describing how I felt right at that moment.

Why haven't I learned? Why do I keep making the same mistake?

I jokingly read it out loud to my roommate and told her "I want my heart of steel back!! Those were the glory days! When I didn't have to think of someone and long for someone and I was just focused on the things I needed to focus on!"

To be dead honest? (Even if he reads this?)

I miss him. I miss how it was last semester. I regret every moment when I didn't see him when he was right in front of me.
I'm angry at him for leading me on, intentionally or not. I didn't like him and now that he has my heart, he pushes it away.
I felt secure and now I'm lost.
I couldn't tell him all this the night I had to DTR with him for some reason and I regret it. (Okay, I don't HATE him now. Just a side note.)






So many questions for him but do I need them answered?
My thoughts consumes me night and day and I can't help stop thinking "I need to get away from him."
How long will it take for me to forget everything?


But then again, another lesson you know?
What does it mean to forgive?
I've struggled with this question all my life.



Questions after questions. Jealousy. Confusion. Doubts.














In all this chaos though, God is whispering to me gently:



Patience. Wait for me. Because I'm waiting for You.