Just One of the Heaps Around!

I am surrounded by piles of things I have to do. Piles of knitting, piles of sewing, piles of books to read, piles of bags to take down to the charity shops. Piles of articles torn out of newspapers and magazines to keep and re-read.

I have all of my dads things that I just cant get rid of. My brother and sisters have taken some things,but all the others are here in my home. All of my dads diaries, his photographs, even the black and white photos from the 1940's.

I am in a state where I am unable to achieve anything. It has been quite a while since I have felt like this. I suffer from anxiety and depression but the medication I have eventually been prescribed (Venlafaxine) has helped me greatly.

It is Laura's Nanna Joanne's funeral tomorrow in Doddington, she will eventually by laid to rest with dear Tudor. He was a lovely man, such a gentle, tender man. She wasnt always the same. She said some pretty harsh things to me whilst I was the daughter-in-law. Worse still she was always saying nasty things to Laura as she was growing up.

I was able to leave, but Laura had to grow up with the constant picking on her. Eventually it got to the state where she wouldnt see her Nanna because she couldnt bear the pain.

I tried for a long time to get Laura to have some compassion over the years and eventually after Joanne became more poorly we both went to visit her in hospital. We all cried when we met up, but sadly Joanne had had a stroke and lost the power of speech.

She was admitted to a care home. Speech had come back, but not in sentences that anyone could understand. It was always such a jumble of words and very difficult to even try and understand her. But Laura persisted in seeing her, combed her hair, held her hand, chatted away two to the dozen to her.

Sadly the last time Laura saw her, she was screaming out in pain constantly. The doctor said they would give her something stronger to help her. Sadly two days later she died.

I dont think I will be welcome at the funeral, but I feel that I have to go, after all she was my mother-in-law. Sadly Laura and her dad have seen less and less of each other over the last couple of years so both she and I are feeling quite anxious about attending.

That is how my mind works, I worry, so much that it makes me unable to achieve things. I watch Alan, he works so hard and even though he is not always well (he has heart problems plus many others) but he always achieves. One thing after the other. See the difference.

Linda