open heart

everything i want to pour out to God; everything that i am, everything that i think of, everything that i want, need, beg and plead for

are in here.



but last night, i was talking to a friend and surprisingly, i opened up to him comfortably for the first time and told him i have this wall around me, even to God. i didnt tell him what caused it, but i couldn't stop thinking after the conversation,

did i lie about the wall built up for God or did i finally realize that i did have this wall in front of God?
why was i not scared to answer when he asked?
why am i so fearful of the consequences, that they'll leave me, break me, hurt me, if i ever do break this wall down for someone?
then why did i open up to him last night?
now im so scared ill close up even more now to him.


what is it called to surrender?

to forgive?