Self-portrait

The year 2010 felt like a lifetime. It was a year of endings and leave-takings.

It began with a partner that left and the beginning of an end. Then a couple of long-time colleagues and friends, who were my source of support and strength, also left. A workload that had doubled but a work performance that really suffered. I went through a depression phase that was really difficult to get out of. I lost someone's trust. I lost too much weight.

But it was also a year of changes and learnings.

I learned how to sit quietly, to breathe calmly. I experienced my first autumn season in foreign lands. I have new friends: some of whom were once strangers, others came from the past. I've met friends from the internet and learned that they are who they say they are. I learned my capacity to connect, however briefly, with strangers. I learned that sadness and loneliness, as well as laughter and affection, connect people. I learned that there are those who will gather around me in my hour of direst need. I learned that time unravels and reveals all things. I learned that black licorice can ease one's sadness a bit.

2011 is in motion. It will be a year of new beginnings.

It means daily work. It means hanging on the way a dog hangs on with a piece of bone in its mouth. It means digging in my feet even as the going gets tough and tougher. It means paying attention to the minutiae and the minute changes and to feel heartened by it.

It means, to hope.