Wednesday

More on today... later.
Hell week.

So today.. my little world came crashing down as I got a phone call just after my morning class that my boyfriend had accepted a huge promotion/raise in Philadelphia. (Men's Health at Rodale in Emmaus, to be precise.)
He had initially applied to the job to get a raise at his job here in Dallas. But, as fate would have it.. he was flown out to New York and Philly last week for interviews. They didn't even wait 24 hours before calling him to let him know they wanted him.
I knew he was/is a great editor.. I kept telling him he was a real contender.
He kept asking me if I was worried. I wasn't worried at first. I didn't think he would actually be leaving.

So when I found out, over the phone, during one of the most stressful weeks of this program so far, I broke down. I didn't think I was going to be able to study and I had 5 people over at my apartment trying to nail down muscles, insertions, origins, arteries, and nerves for our exam tomorrow.. with a migraine and tears streaming down my face.
In the end, I did it. I got my A. on all three exams this week.
But it was either deal with my emotions or deal with my responsibilities. I didn't deal well with my emotions. We "broke up" on facebook.. and, as stupid as that sounds, it really crushed me. I just wasn't ready to let him go. And I felt like I had to immediately.
Even as I write this, I have tears streaming down my face.. and it's almost a month later.
It's been a long time since I've broken up with someone that I wasn't ready to break up with. And it's not because we weren't having a great time together and enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other better.
He's got an amazing new position at the largest men's magazine in the world (? is it world?) and I'm in an intense graduate/medical program. We both understand that it makes sense.. it just sucks.
So. There. A little bit.
I'm doing well. I wasn't doing well... but he's still going to be someone I want to know and continue to get to know.. he means a lot to me.

Ce n'est pas de fin.