Expectations

While en route to the valley with my Beloved, I pondered life's many challenges to communication and relationships. As I pondered, I considered that, although it is often our own fears or resentments that become the building blocks of our walls, expectations are a factor to consider. When we perceive that someone is afraid or is harboring a resentment toward us, we may put up a little wall as a way of being cautious. Our little wall is then perceived as a resentment or fear on our part which inspires a little wall in the other. With each consciously watching the other for signs that everything is OK, each act with a little hesitancy, sending the signal something is wrong and another stone is added to the wall. We pass through the doors of fear and resentments over and over until we each end up on opposite sides.

As sometimes happens post pondering, we share. Somewhere between the Dentist's office and the mall, out tumbled these thoughts. In reply, "Like when I asked you which route you'd like to take to the valley today and you wouldn't tell me, it seemed like you were afraid to answer," said he. "I wasn't afraid to answer," said I. "I had no opinion, but was willing to form one quickly if you didn't care which route we took, but I wanted to be sure you'd prefer I choose". It's not always clear what happens, but we feel it just the same. In the moment the walls evaporate, and two become one and it becomes possible to pass through doors together, delighting in the journey of friendship and relationship. Sometimes just knowing it was our own expectation that we saw reflected back at us, bouncing off the walls of our own making, is enough to lighten the load and the step.