Everything is under control!

Day One

Some of you may have seen this shot released to the press this evening of the hostage taking at our secure facility. Despite news reports to the contrary we have the situation under control and there is no cause for alarm.

Our skilled hostage negotiators are in constant dialogue with the Notorious C.H.I.P. and normal service will be resumed before dinner. I am here to reassure you that the situation is under control and the brave officer taken hostage is in no danger whatsoever.