It'll all get better in time............

A migraine is a severe, painful headache that is often preceded or accompanied by sensory warning signs such as flashes of light, blind spots, tingling in the arms and legs, nausea, vomiting, and increased sensitivity to light and sound. The excruciating pain that migraines bring can last for hours or even days.


If you look back, I think you'll find my last migraine was in March, just before Nunk died. I've had migraines since I was at school, only at the time, I thought headaches were the norm, and the days with out headaches were the abnormal one. I just coped.

The form of them changed over the years. The sore head at school, culminated with a Dizzy which left me unable to sit, stand or walk. But once it passed, it was gone. They didn't happen that often, and we weren't sure what caused them.

They quietened down during the college years... or maybe I couldn't tell hangover from migraine? Who knows. I don't remember them a lot until after I had Tooli. I had been struggling on feeling awful for a few days. That kind of lingering headache that just doesn't move and restricts the fastest of movements you really need when coping with a 3 month old and a toddler. I called on Nant, and she took the baby, I called on my neighbour and she took the toddler. Then I called the doctor.

He came, he saw, he injected me with diamorphine and knocked me out. He called back 2 hours later to make sure I was okay, and then referred me for tests. They diagnosed migraine, just like my dad had, and prescribed a range of things. I had pills, which made me so hungry I cried when I came home if there wasn't something ready to eat immediately. when I wasn't eating, I was sleeping. No chance for headaches then!

I got pills. I got migraine at least 2 a month. The pills interfered with other medication and I got injection packs. They worked quite well until I got some other medication. I went to Co-Proxamol which were heaven on earth. Then they stopped them, and I went to co-codamol.

On Sunday night, I became exceptionally tired at 8.45. And went straight to bed. I woke at 5 and my head was burning inside. I tried to take me to my happy place, but I just couldn't get there. I got up and took some pills. 20 minutes later I coughed them up. 10 minutes later I coughed everything else in my insides out.

An hour later I took 2 more tablets, 10 minutes later they both came back, followed by continued wretching for an hour.

I managed to settle to my happy place, meditation helps somewhere, but then I was rudely shaken from my meditation by another rasping from my gut. As I lay on the bathroom floor, I knew I'd have to call the doctor. I Placed the called. Let my mum and my beloved know how bad I was and lay down and wept.

Husband arrived home which made me more angry, there is nothing anyone can do. But I was overjoyed, when he said "the doctor is coming in now". I think he was there only 30 minutes since I called. Amazing.

Guess what. It was the same doctor from 16 years ago. "oh no Helen" What's happened". I tried to sit up to talk to him, but could only wretch. He took my pulse - knew it was pointless taking my blood pressure, it was going to be through the roof.

He asked when I last had had to get a jag, but it was years, at least 10. He got something from his bag, and stuck it in my bum. Oh My God. I understand how Junkies feel!

I was mad that it wasn't stopping the pain and the sickness straight away. I slid off the bed hanging on to the basin.

I heard the doctor tell Si "she'll go out in a minute, she'll be okay", and he left. I lay hanging on to the basin, sure I was going to throw again. But I was conscious my growling was becoming less, and less. Si helped drag me back into bed and I collapsed. I was aware of everything subsiding, the heat lessening, but not going away, and I was aware of Si holding my hand.

I woke 2 hours later, calmer, but still sore. Took a couple of heavy painkillers and slept again. I didn't really come to until 4 in the afternoon, and was still feeling tragic.

This morning, I was awake and not sick, and not in pain. But boy was I groggy. I'm just glad I can look at the sunlight again, and not howl. I'm glad I can sit and not hold my head in my hands.

And, Dr MacPherson. I think I love you.